Who am I? Am I just another amateur writer trying to enthrall you in my hopeless mess? Probably.
Moreover, what am I? I could just as well be a monotone, mundane robot trying to grasp a piece of the human world. But robots don’t have feelings. So they can’t.
You want to know the truth?
I don’t know.
You thought that was the end of that page, didn’t you? No. There’s still more disorganized and blunt thoughts for you to read. So take my advice when you can. Buckle up.
You probably expected me to make up ideas and symbols that orbit the existence of me. But in my religion, it’s a sin to lie. So I won’t.
I am human, most of the time. My human side consists of feelings of confusion, sadness, and boredom. Boredom. Oh, the boredom. My monotone side consists of indifferent feelings for myself and the people I see every day. My expression shows it all; at the moment I’m thinking about nothing and everything about nothing.
I am an adolescent girl. Not a naive tot filled with juvenile ambitions. Not quite a woman who is cognizant and mature. I’m in-between. I’m still filled with youthful ambition to chase unexpected reality and make fantasy a reality; however, I now know the unfiltered truth in which not everything is actually possible.
I am a Pakistani-Canadian. Not 100% Pakistani, nor 100% Canadian. Born in Toronto, I am part of the first generation of Pakistani Canadians in my family. I find it impossible to establish a balance of speaking English or Pashto* when it was English that I learned first and am more fluent in. I find it impossible to choose a piece of clothing, because I’d much rather wear shalwar kameez*, as opposed to a shirt and a pair of pants.
I am hidden. Both metaphorically and quite literally. I protect the natural beauty that God has gifted me with, a sure sign that I submit myself to Him. I feel secure in my hijab*. It has become part of my identity, yet I don’t want it to be my whole identity. I choose not to be defined by it. I also conceal my emotions and don’t give people the whole picture. I hide my truth. I am comfortable with that.
I am a speck. A small speck in the universe that will inevitably perish and remain indifferent to everyone and everything till the end of time. I have come into this incredible awareness that life is short. Really short. It feels that we are given a certain amount of time on Earth, and throw it away like a piece of paper. I am a professional time-waster.
I am yearning for yūgen. Yūgen is a Japanese term defined as an awareness of the universe that triggers emotional responses too deep and mysterious for words. I want to be able to develop a deeper understanding of the world outside the bubble I’m currently trapped in. I want to develop an awareness of myself and the world as a whole, whether the term “world” be used in the classroom, or as a reference to the literal world. I want forces pushing me past my limits of knowledge of the world. Don’t worry, though. I’m already aware that I can’t know everything. I fill myself with limited hope that blogging will help me get there. Wherever there is, anyway.
The phrase “Yearning for Yūgen” is the title and URL of my blog. I feel that this phrase captures my present state perfectly, as I am always striving to expand my knowledge and develop acceptance of my faults and the world’s faults. The background image—and the theme colour, purple—are representations of my current state of being and mind. I think of myself as a tree, still has yet to grow and is growing amongst other trees, so I know that I’m not alone. The colour purple has the harmony and calmness of blue, but also captures the fiery passion of the colour red. The colour makes me think of soothing sounds, lavender, and just an overwhelming, yet blissful, sense of presence.
The featured image, a blurred picture of tulips with the exception of one, represents how I feel about my place in the world. I mentally put myself on the spotlight and neglect the awareness of others, and how they might feel. This is who I am today, and will probably (hopefully) change for the better.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” This is the quote I chose, well said by Mark Twain. I think that I spend too much time worrying about the quality and quantity of every little thing that I do, that I don’t come into realization that there are so many things I have yet to experience and try. This quote is a reminder of the person I want to sound like. This quote has the voice and discipline that I want to abide by and carry myself with in the future.
*Pashto: A language spoken by that of an ethnic group known as Pathans, who reside in Northwestern Pakistan and Afghanistan.
*Shalwar Kameez: A traditional Southeast Asian garment worn by men and women, consisting of a loose tunic top and harem-style trousers.
*Hijab: An Islamic code of modesty for men and women.
Background:
- http://wallpoper.com/wallpaper/ing-black-308383
Image(s):
- http://wallpapersdsc.net/flowers/white-tulips-26755.html
- https://giphy.com/gifs/animation-black-dress-83ZTcvABakqrK
- https://www.eso.org/public/images/b07/
- https://giphy.com/gifs/new-girl-fox-new-girl-newgirl-l2R03sHecxjJZrKYE
Dear Sadia,
I loved how honest and blunt you were right from the get go, it was honestly kind of refreshing to read an About Me like this. I really enjoyed the explanation of your blog and how planned out it seems to be . It was also nice to learn about yūgen and the connection you feel to it.
To improve, I would try to work on the flow of your writing. There are parts where the word choice feels slightly out of place which affects the flow and creates a disconnect between the reader and your writing. It can also make your writing seem slightly impersonal at times, which is exactly what we wouldn’t want for an About Me. For example, in the line ” Not a naive tot filled with juvenile ambitions”, I feel replacing tot with something else would be better.
I look forward to your future writing and seeing how your blog grows.
Sincerely,
Kayla
Dear Kayla,
Thank you for your kind words and input! I’m thrilled to hear that you found this style of About Me and straightforwardness to be refreshing; I find myself do that a lot through writing, and in discussions as well. I also appreciate the feedback on the flow and diction, and will take this into consideration. Once again, thank you for commenting on my blog!
Sincerely,
Sadia
Dear Sadia:
It was a pleasure to read your piece. I liked the directness with which you addressed the reader. A lot of times people will try to approach this assignment in a more indirect way and try to convey their idea through that medium, but it was great to see the beauty in the simplicity of your work. I enjoyed how you expressed yourself as seeking a connection with the world, and how the word yugen connects with you.
I can’t really say much in regards to improving this piece, however, I would return to the idea of yourself being in-between the feeling of a child and that of an adult. I found that I quite enjoyed reading that you are still ambitious, whilst understanding the limitations of the world. For example, I would add in a metaphor later on about how your unique age mindset relates to your desire for yugen.
Once again, it was wonderfully pleasant to experience this approach to show us about you. Thank you for writing this piece and (hopefully) reading this comment.
I’ll be looking forward to reading more from you in the future and seeing your journey and the stories you tell.
Sincerely,
Zaid
Dear Zaid,
Thanks a million for commenting on my blog! I am humbled to hear that you enjoyed the directness and simplicity of my work. I never too much thought on the idea of being in-between, but I will definitely look into expanding on that in the future. And don’t worry— I read your kind words thoroughly and thoughtfully. Thank you!
Sincerely,
Sadia
Dear Sadia,
After reading your “About Me”, I am able to appreciate the amount of effort you took to carefully lay out your personality for us to view. Every sophisticated sentence has an indirect purpose that is understood when the reader finishes. I love how you described yourself from different angles, thus allowing me to see you as a complete individual. You wrote eloquently of your position on the earth, and it was a pleasure to be able to take in.
My favorite line would have to be, “I am a speck. A small speck in the universe that will inevitably perish and remain indifferent to everyone and everything till the end of time.” It reminds me that I am only one of the eight billion people in this world, insignificant to most of the population. This statement speaks greatly about how we are truly alone in the world and should live life to the fullest while we are here.
For improvement, I found that some of your sentences were very fragmented, which made it sound choppy. I would recommend that you balance the short sentences evenly across a paragraph, and make them as purposeful as the associated ideas.
Regardless, it was a pleasure to read, and I am looking forward to reading your future pieces!
Sincerely,
Nazeefa
Dear Nazeefa,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment on my About Me! I am delighted to hear that you were able to learn about me and understand me from all angles. I would have to agree with your favourite line being “I am a speck. A small speck in the universe that will inevitably perish and remain indifferent to everyone and everything till the end of time.” I feel that it’s important to constantly recognize how small we really are, and knowing how to act with that in mind. I will take your feedback on my sentence fragments into consideration. Once again, thank you!
Sincerely,
Sadia
Dear Sadia,
Firstly, I really enjoyed reading your About Me as it was very different, but in the greatest way possible. For example you included a lot of elements of humor that was a pleasure to read when you wrote, “ You thought that was the end of that page, didn’t you? No. There’s still more disorganized and blunt thoughts for you to read. So take my advice when you can. Buckle up.” This quote along with many more were a delight to read because I for one enjoy comedy, but it also reminded me of a funny play that includes fourth wall breaking. Furthermore, I highly commend your ability to identify yourself, but not be bound with elements of your life that you have included for instance the line that you wrote, “I feel secure in my hijab*. It has become part of my identity, yet I don’t want it to be my whole identity.” I found this statement quite inspiring because it exemplifies your strength, and having ability to take control of a situation.
An area where you could potentially improve your writing is by finding your flow within your writing. For example you could organize your thoughts a little more by designating certain paragraphs to particular ideas; doing this will allow the reader to follow your train of thought a little more so, they do not get lost half way through your writing. Also by choosing vocabulary words carefully can add another level to your writing.
All in all I really enjoyed reading your writing as it was very refreshing and original since, you were very truthful and blunt about your ideas. You have an act for writing and I cannot wait to read what you create in the future 🙂
Sincerely,
Kshef
Dear Kshef,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I am humbled to know that you found my piece comedic, as parts of it were intended to be. Breaking the fourth wall is what I tend to do a lot in my writing, so watch out for more of that! I would have to agree with your suggestion; my word flow and organization could use a little work. I am pleased to hear that you enjoyed reading my piece, and I look forward to reading yours as well!
Sincerely,
Sadia